Fear of flying

Do you ever get totally distracted from your purpose?

I do all the time.

By the end of this you will probably have guessed the reason why.

Why I got distracted and why I have a whole new topic I want to discuss in the near future! You may also find I repeat myself or change my opinions on things. It is the nature of me.

Fear of flying

I never was scared of flying.

I had the usual wobbles that I think most people have about crashing and bombs etc, but they were never enough to put me off.

It was like my first theme park adventure, and how I I was terrified that bits of me would fall off because my muscles weren’t strong enough to hold me together, whizzing around Shockwave waiting for my neck to snap and having to spend my life in a wheel chair etc…

Fear of fear

The enduring issue with me is the ‘what if I get scared’ fear.

It’s a real thing you know. Fear of fear. Not being able to cope with the thought of getting scared and being convinced that everyone is noticing you being scared and thinking how pathetic you are!

I think it’s a case of my usual over thinking things…. Slightly, and usually, focussed on my physical weaknesses and my social awkwardness.

So no, I wasn’t scared of flying but I did have some jittery moments thinking about what I would do if the plane took off and I had a melt-down.

 New situations

I don’t know what to do!

New situations, things I have no control over, things where I don’t know exactly what is expected to happen next. My first time in Starbucks or McDonalds held the same dread as the thought of getting 35,000ft into the air.

The first time in a new job, I don’t worry about my capacity to do the job because I already know that but the fear of writing with the wrong pen or using the kettle in the staffroom when ‘Jean’ always uses it first, those sort of things terrify me!

So, forgetting about impending death, I set about understanding airport jargon, routines and social protocols; ‘check-in,’ security, ‘airside’, ‘queueing’

Firstly though, this was no longer a solo trip.

This happened for 2 reasons.

1. I was so excited that I had found the most beautiful place in the world that all I wanted to do was share it. It was share via WhatsApp bombs. Video, photo, review. ‘Look at this!’

2. I wasn’t ready to go solo.

This has been one of the most difficult episodes to write. Difficult, because in truth,

something inside me had something to prove, to myself, but I wasn’t ready.

The thing is that on the outside I felt I was strong and ready to face the world, but on the inside, I knew I had never been that independent. I needed somebody to hold my hand and someone to share the excitement.

So, I didn’t go alone - I went as a 3.

We had talks. ‘You do your thing and I’ll do mine and we’ll just be in the same place at the same time. That’s it. We didn’t have to plan outings together, or what time we would eat, they would be a couple, and I would be the adventurous solo traveller who just happened to be staying at the same hotel as some people I know...

On a practical level it would be perfect. 1 out of 3 had already navigated the battlefield of airports so no problems there.

This, however, didn’t help in the sense that 2 Aquarians, being aquarians, wanted to know, to the exact detail, what the whole airport thing was about.

‘Oh you just do this and that and then get on a plane’ didn’t wash with us.

We needed step-by-step detail and nothing less.

WE expected the tour operator to have some sort of newbie/fools/dummies guide.

You know, like when you buy a product with batteries it gives you a step by step how to install and dispose of said batteries. Or an electrical product that assumes you know absolutely nothing about electricity and its fatal misuse consequences. Stuff like ‘DO NOT TAKE YOUR NEW FOOD PROCESSOR INTO THE BATH.’

Well, surprise-surprise, there was absolutely nothing.

So here is my absolute beginners guide to navigating, tour operators, flights and the mysteries of the airport: After that short introduction…

*

1. Don’t do it when you are tired, in a rush or menopausal. The latter I am will be returning to.

 

2. If you are any of the above, or dealing with the misconception that you are deluded, off your rocker or too old; seek medical advice and a second opinion!!

As mentioned previously, I will return to this matter, in another episode. I’ll mention menopausal, menopause, ‘the change’, again, because it is important, pertinent and I have just become a little bit obsessive about the menopause.

 

3. Men and menopause. If you are reading this and you are male then you really need to read my next episode, as well as reading point 4.

 

4. Menopause WILL effect everyone that will come into contact with someone who was assigned female at birth.

5. It could start as soon as puberty or decades later, but it happens. It may be biological, accidental, surgical or chemical or a combination!

6 I may, or may not, mention menopause again in this article, I will however write about my travel experience.

That concentration, distraction, repetition thing is back again!

Hazards, mishaps, discoveries and revelations of air travel

1. Choosing the wrong seat on the plane.

I had chosen the right seat. I knew exactly where I wanted to be seated for my first flight, near the back on the left. This was based on a gut feeling and the default car travel position, me being on the left, it had nothing to do with aircraft in general.

The very basic diagram provided for seat selection had a flat end and a pointyish end. I assumed that the flat end was the back of the plane, and the pointy end was the front. My fellow travellers chose seats next to me.

In my quest know everything about the plane, several weeks later, I discovered that I had actually seated us at the front on the right. I couldn’t settle, this was all wrong.

2. Try to change the seat.

The ‘app’ turned out to have some sort of sorcery influencing how it worked.

20 or so clicks and 2 weeks later I had managed it. So had my companions…or so we thought.

The night before take-off we discovered that only 19 clicks must have happened, and we would be at opposite ends and opposite sides of the plane.

3. GHIC/EHIC

Get it here .

It’s a sort of health passport from NHS. My tour operator didn’t mention it. They mentioned covid and PCR and where I could pay for all the checks I didn’t need as Greece had no restrictions. They did mention that I MUST have travel insurance, they didn’t check this or ask for proof or offer any advice as to where I might find it. I just waded through insurance comparison sites.

If you have pre-existing health issues, then shop around as there are specialists in this area that may not show up on meerkat or opera-singer based sites.

‘ONLINE check-in’

It really doesn’t matter if you know what this means.

I still to this day have no idea what this is. I did it though. I checked-in for the fight out and double triple checked that I had checked-in for the flight home. The double triple checking the check-in followed reading yet another ‘horror story’ in the terror press on social media where a poor soul had been trapped on his jollies because he didn’t check-in online to get home.

I still have no idea what that was all about. How can you check your baggage in online? How do they know if it’s the right weight or not? I did as instructed but still had to check-in at the airport. So, do it, check-in, whether you think you need to or not.

At the airport

We arrived at the airport 4 hours before the flight ‘just in case’.

 BHX, Birmingham airport, seems to be one enormous carpark. This was when it really dawned on me that arriving here alone would have been a big mistake. It took 15 minutes to cross the deserted carpark area to reach the ‘terminal’ building. I still have no idea if that bit is the terminal or if another part of the airport is a terminal, but this was the building we reached.

I’d advise any solo first-time flyer to get to the airport at least an hour before you need to. Acclimatise yourself and stroll around so you know what you are looking for. Stroll like it’s the 100th time you’ve been there, gaze around with a bored expression on your face whilst inwardly mapping and plotting the layout. You’ll be grateful for the non-panic time once ‘check-in has opened.

Queue

Relax and be prepared to queue. Take your time in the check-in queue to assess other people’s luggage. This will be when you realise it’s a good thing that you tied your old knickers to the handle of your baggage for easy identification later.

1 Anything with wheels – ‘good’, anything with no wheels – ‘bad’.

Personal space

 The 0.5 m2 around you is sacred, precise and should not ever change. This is where the wheels are needed. Positioning your bag every few minutes is crucial as the queue is processed and you move forwards. You may need to manoeuvre your baggage protect the sacred ground from those unaware of the ‘personal space of others’ rules. Orange people over the age of 50, usually wearing a surgical mask, I suspect are from another planet, as they seem to be the worst culprits in the queue space dance. They will nudge into your area, not only with their humungous Samsonites, but also with their voices. Be prepared to screen out bizarre opinions on worldwide destinations from these ‘extreme’ travellers who forget that they too are likely in the queue for a package holiday.

When you eventually get to the desk you will hand over your luggage. That is check-in.

Security.

This was the easy bit, but I only knew what to expect because I had watched YouTube made by AutismWestMidlands

All the stuff you are told to put in a tray, you put in a tray. It’s not rocket science. This was one area that I didn’t find an issue with although it was rushed and slightly eventful.

Pick up a tray. The tray is grotty and a bit sticky, but it is what it is.

Throw things (liquids, belt, watch etc) in tray.

 The tray is now moving along on rollers, so get this bit right.

Make sure you have the right sized bag for your liquids as transferring them to a new bag and offloading some to a fellow traveller is not easy when it is moving.

Walk through scanner.

In my case the alarm went off, so I had to go through again.

The precise words said to me ‘Your hips are alarming do you know why that is?’

I wanted to reply with ‘laziness, cheese and chips’ but I don’t think humour was on the agenda.

I was x-rayed and scanned again, and my alarming hips passed with flying colours.

Pick up bag at the other end, try and fail to cram everything back in and put tray back on a big pile.

You are now ‘airside.’

Airside is the spawn of zombie apocalypse…with shops.

The orange people in surgical masks that you met in the queue have metamorphosed into frocked swamp dwelling creatures. Orange Dave, wearing his neck pillow like a Captain America shield of strength, will drag his luggage across your toes/shins/head to get the seat at ‘spoons you were about to park your bum in.

Their baying voices have got louder, and any small sense of the basic needs of humans departed and was shredded in the security tray roller device.

If you get a seat anywhere, the rule seems to be, keep it, until it’s time to board, even if you have finished your food, cocktail, pint etc. Don’t let anyone else sit there.

Flight times and boarding

Nobody is looking for you. No immaculately dressed rep with a dazzling smile will come looking for you.

Look for these.

dotted around the airport. Keep checking — they change.

Boarding the plane

Find your seat and sit in it. Don’t ask if anyone will swap because this is still airside and humanity, and decency has vacated peoples’ crania. If there is no gain - financially or spacially - for them, they will not move.

Take off is exciting. You will go deaf (a bonus when sitting next to Mr and Ms Tangerine).

Put in your earbuds and read a book.

Food smells disgusting.

Turbulence is more reassuring than smooth flying.

Don’t gaze at the wonderful cloud formations once you are above them, unless you are wearing sunglasses, you will not be able to see clearly for the first few days of your holiday if you do.

Eat sweets.

Sleep.

Arriving at your destination

Corfu airport is better than BHX

Airport staff are not impressed by Tangerines and deal with queue jumping promptly.

Choose a private transfer to your hotel. (Story for another day but trust me on this one.)

So, we arrived safely. The hotel was perfect.

I don’t think a full rundown of the week would be helpful or indeed interesting to anyone,

 but here are a few of our ‘best bits’

North-west Corfu May 2022.